Three Little Words

So is it strange that after 9 months of dating, my boyfriend & I haven’t said the “l” word to each other? (and no, I don’t mean lesbian, as in the Showtime show). I tried this weekend to say those 3 little words. And almost had an anxiety attack each time. I’ve been conditioned.

With the single exception of my father, every man I’ve ever loved has left. I can’t pinpoint the moment it happened. But, it’s Chris’ fault. Over our 8 year, on & off, though mostly off, relationship, he trained me to hold in my emotions. And now, any serious discussion of love, at least with the object of my affection, sends me into a panic attack. I suppose I’ve been rejected so many times that the thought of it scares the bejeezus out of me.

I’ve decided the only cure is to just do it. Next time, I’ll just blurt it out. And hope I don’t pass out or hyperventilate.

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