My New Year’s Resolution
In a nutshell: I’m going to try to be happy.
My infertility diagnosis in September hit me really hard. I’m struggling with trying to be hopeful about our situation, but I’m also struggling with the idea that I might not have children. So I have to take each day as it comes. I get sad, I get angry, I get depressed, and I try to deal with it all and still maintain a level of sanity. It’s not easy.
Much of 2008 sucked. Ike came through and disrupted our world. My job was stressing me out, the trying to get pregnant, the infertility testing, worrying about money when my husband quit his job. Major suckage all around.
I’m enjoying my social networking sites because they let me connect with people from my past, and our family overseas, but at the same time I’m feeling more disconnected from a lot of people I thought I was close to. I’ve felt like there was an inside joke I was being left out of. Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t know what was going on.
Here’s the thing, I don’t care. Really. I don’t want anyone reading this to call me and want to discuss it. I don’t want to hash out any non-existent or ancient issues. I don’t care. I’m going to just let all that crap stay in 2008. New Year’s Eve was a turning point for me.
What I miss most is feeling truly happy. Because I should. I have a lot going for me. I married a great man who loves me even when I’m being stupid. I have friends I can trust with anything who feel the same. My job is better, despite the added responsibility I’m taking on. And I’m doing okay with it – it keeps me busy, pays the bills, and I even enjoy parts of it. Some time this year Jonathan & I will sort out trying to get pregnant again, and I’ll deal with what that might mean then.
So Hello 2009. This year, I’m going to quit trying to make everyone else happy and try to make myself happy.
4 Responses to “My New Year’s Resolution”
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You go girl! Happiness is something you truly deserve and I hope you are able to find it and grab hold with both hands.
ReddLissas last blog post..Come Hell or High Water
You go on with your happy self. Here’s to a fresh start in 09.
michelles last blog post..RANDOM THOUGHTS
Meredith:
OUCH! I’m sorry about the infertility diagnosis. Marijane and I area still trying to no avail. 2009 has been odd. Had my colon resectioning on 12/30/08, came home on 1/3/09. After a few days of bloating and discomfort I feel fine. Staple removal was COOL! I’ve put on a pound or two since I stopped having to watch so much of what I ate, so back on WeightWatchers.
Like you, I have a spouse who loves me even when I’m stupid (which happens quite often when you’re quirky), my job pays the bills (and I’m getting some new responsibilities), and I feel great. We’ll keep trying to get pregnant. MJ cried a little when her period started a week ago. Even if we can’t have kids, for whatever reason, I still adore her.
“You gotta get up in the morning take your heavy load,
And you gotta keep goin’ down the long black road” (Jeff Lynne, 2001)
[...] year I wrote, “This year, I’m going to quit trying to make everyone else happy and try to make [...]